Suggested Mottos for the Office of Donald J. Trump

His use of the country's motto just doesn't capture his essence.

Former Twitter user Donald Trump has taken to sending old-fashioned missives to the world from “The Office of Donald J. Trump” on letterhead that bears the Great Seal of the United States. It’s the one you know well, with the bald eagle clutching in its talons the olive branches and the 13 arrows and, in its beak, a ribbon with the country’s motto, E Pluribus Unum—"From many, one” or, more simply, “one from many.”

It’s not surprising that Trump is using a round logo that closely resembles the Presidential Seal, which may or may not be legal, but, putting that aside, I’m more taken with the fact that the country’s traditional motto—suggested in 1776 by John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson, to capture the new concept of a unified country—doesn’t at all capture the right tone for Trump. Here, with the help of Google Translate, are some suggestions for a more fitting motto on this particular former president’s letterhead.

We might simply tweak the traditional motto:

  • E Pluribus Facit Incongruentia: Out of Many, Disharmony

  • E Pluribus Aut Schisma: Out of Many, Schism

  • Multa Dividens: Dividing Many

He could go with a phrase he’s best known for:

  • Sursum Includet!: Lock Her Up!

  • Solus Illud non Possit Figere: I Alone Can Fix It

  • Is Mos Pulsantes Evanescet: It Will Magically Disappear

Might we slip in something truthful, knowing he would never bother to look up the Latin?

  • Sine Veritate: Without Truth

  • Mendacium Semper: Dishonesty Always

  • Fere Semper Male Fida: Nearly Always Disloyal

  • Chao Perpetuum: Perpetual Chaos

  • Solum Invenire Me Suffragiorum Bene?: Just Find Me Votes, Okay?

  • Pecuniam Mittere Mihi: Send Your Money To Me

  • Hostis Populi: Enemy of the People

  • Ego Horribiliter: I Am Horrible

  • Semper Pessimus: Worst Ever

Although he clings to the baseless (yet very base) notion that he won the election, Trump might yet mellow and choose a more personally distinctive motto for his retired years. Here are a few suggestions just to get him thinking creatively:

  • Te Decipiat in Golf: I Cheat at Golf

  • Carnis Cum Bene Ketchup: Steak Well Done, with Ketchup

  • Ego Confido in Cibum: In Fast Food I Trust

  • Nec Non Vir Bonus Negotiator: No, Not a Good Businessman

With the recent news of his campaign deceiving, and bilking, donors with the use of pre-checked monthly, and then weekly, recurrences of their donations, the argument for Pecuniam Mittere Mihi is definitely strengthened, but I’d be perfectly happy with any of the above.

I have to say here that as I did some research for this piece (after writing most of it), I ran into a story from The Washington Post, about someone—reportedly a Republican who had tired of Trump’s antics—who had this idea back when Trump was still president. His satiric take on the a presidential seal appropriate for Trump included a two-headed bald eagle, mimicking the Russian coat of arms, golf clubs in the place of arrows, and a motto that translated as “45 is a puppet.” And someone actually managed to use it at a Trump event.

As for Trump’s seal for the “office” of the former president (whatever that might mean; he was by all accounts hardly ever seen working in the Oval Office), I’d swap in the Confederate flag design on the shield and swap out the bald eagle for a brown-headed (shaded orange) cowbird, which takes advantage of others and destroys their nest eggs. That dopey looking bird would indeed be holding a clutch of golf clubs—perfect idea—but my tweak would have them all wedges. And in place of the olive branches, what could be more appropriate for our Great Divider than a roll of razor wire?